BY HANNAH GRIESER
As graduation nears, we should do more than help our kids decide where they should go after graduation. We should help them discern who God called them to be.
The juxtaposition of Bach fugues and bull riding made me laugh. But it also made me reflect on the variety of personalities, opportunities, and abilities that our triune God gives to his people, including the people who received the same classical Christian education—and even grew up in the same home. So when high school graduation nears, how do we as parents help our kids decide which path each should take into the adult world?
A LIBERATING WEIGHT
In making these big decisions, what’s been helpful is to think of our children’s life choices in terms of their callings. And by “callings,” I don’t simply mean their college choices or career paths. A calling encompasses far more than that. A calling is the combination of interests, studies, responsibilities, beliefs, relationships, and so on that God gives each of us to pursue faithfully.
If there really is such a thing as a calling, then there must also be someone who calls. He is the one we should be listening to first. I realize that “Listen to Jesus” may sound trite as an answer to how you plan for the future, but it isn’t. It is simultaneously weighty and liberating: weighty because it means that these decisions are part of God’s plan for shaping the whole course of history. But freeing because it means that our responsibility is primarily to follow God’s call, not to craft some kind of master plan in our own strength.
SIX CONSIDERATIONS
Helping our children follow God’s calling on their lives includes six main considerations:
1. KEEPING GOD’S COMMANDS. Obedience to God is foundational. Many callings are lawful and good; others are traps masquerading as God’s call. A man can be truly called to the mission field, but not if it means abandoning his wife and children (which illustrates why “calling” involves more than just career). The first question in making any decision should be, “What does God say about this?”
2. ACKNOWLEDGING INTERESTS AND DESIRES. To our feelings-focused secular culture, this is the only factor that matters in the decision-making process: “Just follow your heart,” as the Disney therapists advise. But for Christians, the things our kids love and long to do are not unimportant factors; they are, rather, subordinate factors. Their loves and longings should first be shaped and disciplined according to the Word of God. But once that is the case, then our kids’ interests and desires can be a critical part of discerning who God is calling them to be.
3. DISCERNING GIFTS AND ABILITIES. A 5’2” kid who feels called to the NBA, isn’t. The requisite gift of height simply isn’t there. But a student whose teachers all commend her brilliant writing might actually be called to write novels. Be realistic about the gifts God has—and hasn’t—given to your kids, and help them invest those gifts wisely.
4. FINDING OPPORTUNITY. A kid with clear gifts and godly desires might be wise to pursue those things further after high school—and yet not find the right opportunity. Maybe the college of choice is too expensive, or the dream job falls through. This, too, is from the Lord. That doesn’t necessarily mean giving up on those plans, but we must help our kids accept a “no” or “not yet” answer to their prayers—and to pursue their second-best opportunities in the meantime. Those, too, are from the Lord and often bring unexpected blessings.
5. SEEKING COUNSEL. “In the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Pr. 11:14). Parents can have blind spots when it comes to their own kids, and we aren’t the first people to have faced similar decisions, so ask for advice. Older and wiser people whose children are bearing good fruit can provide valuable perspective. And teachers or pastors can help point out tendencies in our child that we may have missed.
6. PRAYING FOR WISDOM. Sometimes several equally attractive options present themselves without a clear winner. Door #1 is just as compelling as door #2. But God loves to grant our requests for wisdom. So ask him. And when even your prayers do not give you the immediate answer from heaven you’d hoped for, pick a door, and walk through it in faith. Roll the dice if you have to. Seriously. Remember, “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD” (Pr. 16:33).
This list may not provide comprehensive answers to every detail as you help your kids find their callings, but it has certainly brought more clarity to us as parents with three sons who are now done with high school and one more entering his senior year. Our kids are as different as a rodeo is from a pipe organ, and their callings are clearly not the same. But we can rest in the knowledge that God is the one who is doing the calling, and that whether they’re called to read big books, run a business, or ride a bronco, their various paths will be lit by his Word. ✤
HANNAH GRIESER is an ACCS alumna and the mother of five sons, including one cancer survivor. She lives in northern Idaho where, in addition to managing her family’s full schedule, she works as a writer and graphic designer. She is the author of numerous articles and of the book The Clouds Ye So Much Dread (Canon Press, 2017).
