Better Questions, Better Answers

Three Types of Questions to Ask Your Child

BY MANDI GERTH

As parents, we long to engage our children in meaningful conversation but often don’t know how. It’s hard to move a conversation forward after a reply like “fine” or “okay.” It’s also hard to fault the response when the question wasn’t very good. Not all questions are created equal, bu—just like our children—we can learn to do better. And by asking better questions, we can get better answers and have better conversations. When my children were small, I would often end family dinner with a read-aloud and ice cream to entice everyone to stay a little longer at the table. But over time, I found it harder and harder to transition to the read-aloud. Our conversations, which covered everything from football coaches to classic literature, kept us at the table longer and longer. Ice cream was brought out, but the book wasn’t. My kids wanted to talk about things that mattered to them. I learned to let go of the read-aloud and enter into the conversation unfolding before me. Getting to the point where conversation became a natural extension of dinner didn’t happen by accident, even though it happened organically. We all learned how to listen better and how to ask better questions.

What Is a Good Question?

Contrary to what many of us were told growing up, we can ask bad questions: misleading questions, closed questions, boring questions. Dr. Eva Brann is the longest-serving tutor at St. John’s College in Annapolis, MD, an institution known for its approach to in-class discussion. In “Paradoxes of Education in a Republic,” Dr. Brann says that “… a genuine question is, when still within the questioner, an expectant vacancy, a receptive openness, a defined ignorance, and, above all, a directed desire of the intellect.” When we formulate a good question, we create an expectant vacancy—a space between what we know and what we want to know. Answers begin to fill that vacancy. As parents, we know that better conversations happen when we’re willing to admit that we don’t know everything and that we desire to hear more from our child.

Three Types of Questions Parents Can Ask

A good classroom discussion combines three different types of questions, and a good parent conversation can as well! Teachers may have lesson plans to follow, but parents can also follow a plan. First, think about what you want to know. Then, formulate a few good questions. Finally, follow up responses with more questions.

FIRST TYPE Questions That Check for Understanding Teachers regularly ask students questions to make sure they understand the lesson. Parents should ask similar questions so that their children practice reproducing in their own words what they learned that day. Formulate these questions so that the response required is more than just one word. Rather than, “How was school today?” ask them to retell what they learned. Questions like, “What did you read in literature?” and “What types of problems did you solve in math?” help the student
practice the work of self-education by being held accountable for what they have learned. Try not to fill in any missing information yourself—keep asking different versions of the same question until the child’s answer is complete.

SECOND TYPE Questions That Build Intellectual Habits The second type of question probes your child’s thinking to reveal assumptions and uncover faulty logic. These questions build intellectual habits like clarity of thought and logical thinking—habits which must be reinforced at home. Examples of this type of question include: “What do you mean by that?” and “Can you think of an example or analogy?” Remembering Dr. Brann’s “expectant vacancy” and “directed desire of the intellect,” questions that build intellectual habits are a great way to move a conversation with your child forward. These make great follow-up questions because they require your child to explain something more fully or take their understanding to a deeper level.

THIRD TYPE Questions That Contemplate Big Ideas The third type of question is the most important for a parent to ask because the conversation that results will pass on values, reinforce biblical understanding, and prepare children to wrestle with ideas. Asking a question such as,“What are some of the effects of this way of thinking?” or “How does this line up with the Scripture reading on Sunday?” encourages a student to contemplate the fundamental human questions at the core of a liberal arts education. Philosophers and authors have been wrestling with these types of questions for thousands of years, and we want our students to enter into that dialogue. Practicing with a parent helps them to be confident that they can distinguish between answers which are worthy of contemplation and those which are unorthodox, immoral, and harmful. You Can’t Ask Good Questions If You Don’t Know What’s Going On Thinking about what you want to know and how to ask better questions requires some investment. To formulate good questions in all three categories, you must have some idea about what your child is learning in school. You will have to pay attention to the homework that’s assigned and read the emails. The return on this investment is worth it—you might also find yourself lingering at the dinner table longer than you used to. The fruits of good conversation include a greater connection to our kids, a deeper joy in learning alongside them, and a broader understanding of who they are becoming.